Open Mic is the series on BLISTER where we invite various people in the outdoor industry to say what they have to say, and share whatever it is they feel like sharing at this particular point in time.
Today, we hear from Brendan Leonard:
About Brendan Leonard:
Brendan is a writer, runner, adventurer, creative, teacher, and the creator of semi-rad.com
As I wheeled a cart out of one of our local big-box home improvement stores a couple weeks ago, I nodded and said “Thank you” to the lady working the self-checkout.
“Thank you,” she replied. As the automatic doors opened, I thought: You know what you don’t hear much anymore? “You’re welcome.” I mean, I say “Thank you” probably hundreds of times per year, but “You’re welcome”? I don’t know, a few dozen at best? It seems like the incorrect response.
I think a few occasions call for a “You’re welcome,” or at least a “No problem” or “Sure thing,” or something like that.
Example: I give you a gift for your birthday or just because, and you say, Thank you. You’re hiking uphill and have the right of way but you step off to let me pass, and I say, Thank you. You’re stuck in the snow and I help push your car out so you can get to where you’re going. Stuff like that.
But most of the time, isn’t “Thank you” the most appropriate response to “Thank you”?
Like:
So much of the communication we witness nowadays is not gratitude-based. I don’t know if this is because we’re so rarely willing to be publicly nice or genuine to people (especially when we’re typing, or typing with our thumbs), or because we’re more likely to be performing in our digital communication: we love to be snarky in order to get a laugh, or to be snarky in order to get a rise out of someone. We love to be sarcastic, to show off, to appear smart, to put someone in their place in front of some perceived or real audience, maybe because those things get traction, or get attention.
Can you remember the last time someone angrily honked their horn at you, and maybe gave you the finger through their windshield, because of some traffic offense? OK, how about the last time someone kindly let you merge, or stopped to let you cross the street?
In one case, you probably reacted with a quick wave to say “Thank you,” and in the other case, you either cringed and wanted to hide — or gave them the finger back, to say “Fuck you.” Which is more memorable.
I always think that two people honking at each other from cars is a dialogue in which both people are just saying “Fuck you” to each other. Same thing with two guys who get in a fight at a bar over a perceived show of disrespect. Or war. Or people who argue with each other on social media, not trying to understand each other but to “Win.”
Of course, nobody wins. We just have the same conversation: Fuck you. No, fuck YOU. Repeat.
I am one of those people who closes every email with “Thanks,” despite the occasional article or LinkedIn post I see telling me to stop. Almost every time before I click “send,” I take a half-second to think, “Is this appropriate?”
And you know, in a world full of Fuck Yous, I think just about any Thank You is appropriate.
Even if the lady at the big-box store self-checkout doesn’t own the business, and I did all the checking out work myself, and maybe all we’re saying to each other with our Thank Yous is, “I Acknowledge Your Presence On Earth In A Non-Negative Manner, Fellow Human.”
And that’s good enough for me.
Thanks.
Thank you!
I have noticed that people more often say thank you to being thanked than your welcome. I wonder if it’s because we no longer thank folks for common courtesy?. Appreciate the call to get out of our heads and into an other centered mindfulness. Thank you, Rock
Has this conversation over Thanksgiving (!) with a young man who recently started working at nationally known non-beef restaurant chain.
Us oldsters were adamant that “no problem” is NOT an acceptable response to “thank you”. He couldn’t understand why, and his relatively extensive training by this chain known for politeness and customer service had not covered the topic. (After he had thought it about it for an hour, he could understand our point as customers.)
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
Well said.
Seems like “thank you” and “you’re welcome” are both ways of expressing gratitude, so it’s hard to be wrong either way.
A few years ago I started leaning into “You’re welcome” with “You’re always welcome.”
I hope to convey that I’m not just saying words, but that a meaningful relationship exists. It generally results in another “thank you.”
When common courtesy calls for a thank you and I’m not acknowledged, I say, “you’re welcome!” in my head.
Thank you, Brendan, for always making me laugh, think, and share.