Random Review: F’real Smoothies

Flavors

F’real currently offers fifteen flavors of milkshakes, smoothies, and iced coffee. I have unfortunately not tested all of them at this point, but I can offer some guidelines.

It’s hard to go wrong here. In my experience, the smoothies all taste pretty much exactly like they sound. Sometimes the milkshake flavors can come out a little funky, tasting and feeling more water based than milk based, with small frozen crystals, but that is a small price to pay for their generally great flavor.

But I personally am done experimenting with F’real flavors, though, because I believe that I have found the pinnacle of gas station smoothie excellence: the Blueberry Raspberry Pomegranate Smoothie.

First of all, look at that packaging! Those are some succulent looking berries, exactly what someone who has been eating stale Doritos and Cup Noodles for three days needs.

Now look at the ingredients: Water, Skim Milk, Blueberry Puree, Raspberry Puree, Sugar, Blueberry Puree Concentrate, Raspberry Puree Concentrate, Pomegranate Juice Concentrate, etc. Wow! It looks like they do use “REAL INGREDIENTS” (at least sort of—my roommate claims that “concentrate” isn’t actually as good for you).

Regardless, these are the kind of fruits you cannot usually purchase at a gas station. And it actually tastes like fruit too. With each slurp, I can feel the antioxidants soaking into my body. (And antioxidants are good for you. At least that’s what the magazines at the grocery store checkout tell me.)

I can’t make any sweeping claims about the health benefits of the Blueberry Raspberry Pomegranate Smoothie, but I can offer some evidence from my own life: I have not suffered from scurvy, a hernia, cancer, any broken bones, avian flu, dysentery, discolored urine, or hives since I started regularly consuming these Blueberry Raspberry Pomegranate Smoothies over a year ago.

In F’real’s description of this flavor they add: “Skipped yoga? We’ve got you covered. Real blueberries, raspberries, and pomegranate bring good-karma to those who drink them. Namaste.”

I’ve been skipping yoga for almost 22 years now, so that’s quite a relief. But every time I slurp down one of these, I feel like I’m dressed in white linen pants, balanced on my head in a sunny, perfectly clean room that smells like Febreeze. This is truly the only product originating from a gas station that deserves to have the word “Namaste” printed on it.

Pro Tip

If you are looking for something to keep you awake, try dumping a blueberry flavored Red Bull into your smoothie. Nothing like some caffeinated antioxidants to keep you going.

Comparisons

At the gas station, you really only have two other options. You can buy some kind of slurpy or slushy, or you can dig around in that basket of anything-but “Fresh” fruit.

The F’real smoothie is much better than any slushy option. It’s healthy (ish?), convenient, and you get to watch commercials while it’s blended. These traits make it well worth the few extra dollars in my opinion. Add to that the fact that most slushys look like their primary ingredient is antifreeze, and it’s really not a contest.

Of course, you could try to buy real fruit, but then you have to deal with eating real fruit, which can be a pain. I sometimes accidentally eat the sticker on real fruit. The F’real has no sticker to accidentally eat.

Nutrition

The Blueberry Raspberry Pomegranate Smoothie contains 21% of my total daily carbohydrates. This means that I would only need to eat five B-R-P smoothies to hit my carb input goals.

And If I did that, I would also get 10% of my daily sodium, 0% of my daily fat, 100% of my Vitamin A and E, 125% of my Vitamin C, 50% of my Calcium and a whopping 150% of my daily Riboflavin.

Honestly, I have no idea what Riboflavin is, but any grade above 70% is a pass in my book.

Bottom Line

In my opinion, the F’real Milkshake is one of the miracles of our time. It delivers unsurpassed taste, flavor selection, nutrition, and entertainment.

Really, the only problem with this otherwise perfect product is that the F’real F’reezer and blender are not yet available for personal purchase.

Their website does state, however, that they sponsor individuals and events, so maybe you ought to stop trying to become the latest energy drink athlete, and start focusing instead on getting f’real.