I take a seat, on the sand,
take a minute, away from the Man
quiet contemplation, no Instagram.
Phones off, hearts online
I finally find myself when I give it all time.
[It always takes more patience than I’d like]
I participate in co-creation, I’m courting the muse
I’m creating this life, collecting the clues
with the tools at hand, I say ‘Yes’ to the ride.
Sometimes it’s a slip, sometimes it’s a slide —
slide down a mountain, I ace it,
slide to rock bottom, I hate it.
What I’ve learned in this journey is to make darkness my friend
my shadow, my quirks, and the unknowable End.
The things that scare us actually hold the key
to the who/what/where and how we want to be…
Real talk though — I’m scared of water. And the unknown.
But I’ve heard: do not draw back from the passage into darkness: when you’re in the deep water, become a diver.
So I did. I learned how to freedive, past 80 feet only with what my lungs can hold.
I was terrified.
I’ve heard: you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
So I did. I learned how to get worked. And also try again and succeed, squealing with unadulterated joy.
I was still terrified.
I gave up my career for an uncertain future. I was terrified.
Yet somehow, something in me knew this was the path for me: full of adventure and exploration of self and the world — I knew it would lead me home.
Something in me knew facing my fear was the obstacle and the path.
And I’m here to say: if I can do it, these things that scare me,
so too, can you
do the things that scare you.
Trust and surrender are the name of the game,
most things worth ‘sending’ for, require a leap of faith.
So I lay myself down at the altar of life
I pray and I work, through blood, sweat, and strife.
To launch into the void of our visions and dreams,
to step into the unknown and beyond what you’ve been,
is not a task for the faint of heart.
It’s bold and courageous, to even just start.
But for me, the scariest thing is to let a dream change,
at the end of it all.
To let it change me and then let it all fall.
To open my eyes and open my hands,
let my dreams sift through them like small grains of sand.
To let go of how I thought it should be
my dreams you see, they’re only for me —
But I forget
especially when others expect
something from me
(can you relate?)
But I’m committed // This is what I’m doing // I’ve worked so hard for this // I’ve given up everything for this // I’m miserable but I need to see this through…? //
To let Change wind its way into my dreams and my life, to embrace the shifting sands,
Is not to fail.
To walk away from skiing was not to fail.
To make any course correction is not to fail.
So, now, I stand again at the precipice of more unknowns…
Pete and I will haul Sea Bear out of the water this week and put her on land in Panama to move to Boulder, get grounded, and make some money. I don’t know what is next.
So on our own private island last week in the San Blas, I lay on the sand, drinking the nectar of this entire journey. I dove in turquoise waters, ate from the ocean, and let the sun kiss my skin on the white sand beach.
After journeying across oceans I found my way back to myself, became more me than ever, and the juice from the squeeze tasted extra sweet.
Under the palm trees,
off-grid, technology free and freedom rich, I knew:
We’re so much bigger than we know; our power is limitless
We just play small because we’re scared of the mess.
What are you scared to say, scared to be —
What would it look like for YOU to be totally free?
What would it feel like to totally inhabit your skin?
To love the flesh and bones and soul you’re in?
What if you just fucking WENT for it?
And did it all for YOU?
What if I told you, you are actually magic.
And you’re here to just be your magical self…!?!
You don’t need to DO anything — you just get to BE.
[We’re human BEings, not human DOings after all]
You’re more radiant than you will ever know —
We can all see.
Let’s be mirrors of this for each other
Onwards and upwards. Love to you all.
About Angel Collinson
As Angel puts it, she is currently sailing through a metamorphosis, an explorer of self and the planet, a former professional skier, singer of songs and lover of this planet.